Friday, September 13, 2013

Facing the Dark

In my post about shadow work, I mentioned that I'll be doing some starting on the equinox. Back during the first half of the year, I discovered something about my life that pretty much put a lot of it into perspective. Or more accurately, something about someone in my life. I wasn't really able to delve into the shadow work perspective of it, but it did free up a lot more of my mind to focus on the light work.

This season I'll be going into some really dark places and crevices that I have left alone in previous years. Some of this will be done by talking about my issues on some forums. One of those forums is CrazyBoards. There are other forums, but I'm already on them. The reason for my mentioning it right now is because, I can already tell that this is going to be incredibly hard to do. In fact, it might be the most challenging dark half of the year I've ever experienced.

The thing is, I'm already finding it hard to stay on those forums. I'm finding the posts written by the other members are triggers for bringing up all sorts of memories I really don't want. They're also triggers for me to see just what type of a person I used to be. That's distressing. I don't want to see these things. But, I have to. In order to grow and become better people, we often have to face things we'd rather not face.

I have voices ringing in my head from decades ago, telling me things that scarred me. I have voices ringing in my head telling me that I was a bad person. But, I need to hear and listen to all of it. I need to be involved in these forums and I'm already wanting to leave them. I haven't even started yet.

Yoga is the other thing I'm adding. A lot of people see yoga as some type of "light" activity, but it's very challenging if you happen to be in a crappy mood that day. It can actually wring the dark crap right out of you. Ask yogis how many of them have been sobbing while posing. The answer will probably be pretty astounding. I'm already finding this addition quite daunting just from all the stuff that's come up from reading the forums I'm on!

It's not easy to focus on the shadows. It's not easy to muck your way through all your baggage you have. I'm just going to warn ahead of time, I'm not sure what my posts might be like in the next 4 1/2 months. Some of them might be depressing and triggering to others, so please take caution reading them if you've got your own battles going.

Whatever happens, this is going to be the most intense 4 1/2 months. Emotionally, psychologically, and physically. No doubt.

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